Cuz I want it, and I need it, I'm addicted to you

I have a number of addictions, probably most of which are food.  Here are some highlights...

SHOES!  Want a good gift idea for me?  Buy me a really cute pair of flats, size 8 1/2.  I also take gift cards.  Thank you.  I have my eye on these really adorable wedges right now.  They're even on sale.  It's a real dilemma.  I don't actually NEED them.  And I don't actually have the money to throw at them ($13 to be exact).  I still want them though.  I am a brat.  Before Christmas, I had my eye on some red flats.  My mommy bought them for me for Christmas (thanks mom) but before that, I would drag Zack into every single Payless we ever saw so that I could go in and look at them.  I think Zack groans inwardly any time he sees a Payless.  It's like watching money go down the drain.

Chocolate. Need I say more?

Cereal. I know I have waxed on about Lucky Charms on here before, but I just love cereal.  I eat it at least once every single day- usually twice.

Fruit snacks. Mmmmmmm.

Summertime.  I hate you winter!  Leave me alone now and send summer back!

My husband (who really comes before shoes, chocolate, cereal, fruit snacks, and summertime). I can't get enough of this cutie.

House.  Love it.  Probably my favorite of the way too many TV shows we watch.

HGTV.  Once my family got cable.  I think we decided to get rid of it because me and mom got sucked in by HGTV.  Now I have it again.

Vacuuming.  Thank goodness for our sweet little friend who gave us a little sweeper vac for our wedding.  That thing has been put to really good use in the past year and a half.  I vacuum nearly every day.  For the record, this looks nothing like my vacuum.  I just found this picture to be really funny for some reason.  I like the grass in the background.

And other stuff.  Chocolate cake, purses, showering, cleaning my ears, diet coke, the color black, and not watching reruns are a few other examples.  Now, if you'll excuse me, I have to go watch some HGTV and eat a bowl of cereal. :)

6 weeks

That's all I have left and I am done with nursing school.  I am excited, I admit it.  More than that though, I am terrified.  This quarter has been very humbling for some reason.  I guess I walk into clinical each time knowing that my last one will be in just a few weeks, and I get worried when I realize I am doing/seeing a relatively common nursing procedure for the 1st time, or when I have no clue about something.  I get worried when I realize that I have really good physical assessment skills... as long as I can just go through the motions and never have to actually pick out any irregularities.  Ok, some I am okay at.  I can tell if someone has edema (swelling) in the ankles, for example, although my edema rating skills are somewhat questionable some days.  There are some things that I need a lot of work on though.  Last week, I had a patient with a heart murmur.  I knew he had a heart murmur before I ever went in there to listen to his heart.  Despite knowing that it was there, I couldn't hear it.  I had to have my professor come in and listen with me and tell me what I was supposed to be hearing.  There is no way on this earth that I could have walked in there all by myself with no previous knowledge of his murmur, listened to his heart, and picked up that it was there.  I couldn't even pick it up when I knew it was there.  Those are the things that scare me.  I know that I will begin my career in real life nursing with training, and I am sure it will be extremely helpful, but I still worry that I am completely unqualified to do this.  How can I get out there to employers and tell them they should hire me when I am not even sure they should?  Yes, it's scary.

But then there are the moments when I remember what it's about.  Today was one of them.  I have actually been dreading this day for 2 terms, and most particularly since the beginning of this term.  I think I talked about it on this blog 2 terms ago when we did this experience.  I did it again this morning.  Drexel hires actors to come in and pretend to be a patient with a certain condition. This time, they gave us 20 possible conditions our patient might have to help us study.  The day of the experience, called the simulated patient or SP experience, they lead each student outside a different patient's room (in this special lab they have designed for this) and we read a very quick and short explanation of what our patient is doing in the hospital. Moments later, an overhead speaker system instructs us to go into the room and it begins.  We take a history on the patient, perform a physical based on the patient's condition and the information obtained in the history, and we do some patient teaching as appropriate, all within a certain time frame.  It's just sort of nerve wracking because they video record the whole thing, and it is, essentially, an exam.  After it is over, we have to go back in, and the SP talks about how they felt as a patient in our care.  This part isn't about what we forgot to do in our history, physical, or patient teaching.  It's simply about how they felt.  I could tell from the beginning that my SP was a very nice person, so I wasn't horribly nervous when it came time for this part. But my SP was generous in his compliments, and it gave me a little boost in my confidence level.  He said I made him feel comfortable and ready to open up from the very beginning of the interview with my "sunny" demeanor and matter-of-fact ways.  He said my physical assessment was particularly strong because I explained the whole procedure to him as we went, making him feel more in control and at ease in a potentially awkward situation.  He said he felt respected in terms of privacy.  He also said that he thought my teaching was very effective- non-judgmental, but firm enough to make him feel that what I was saying was important.  Now I don't really know about all that.  Like I said, he was a really nice guy, and really generous in his compliments, but I just remembered again why I am doing this.  I enjoy patients... more particularly real patients where I am not being video recorded and tested.  I love to interact with them.  I like to make them feel comfortable.  I like to turn a situation that might otherwise be terrible into something a little better.  I like to find ways to preserve their dignity.  I do not know how effective I am at all that, but that's why I am here.  That's why I am going to go out there and tell some employers that I am qualified to work for them.  That's why I am putting myself through 11 months of sheer torture that has been hard on my mind, my body, my marriage, and my emotions.  I am sure there will be many more difficult moments when I feel unprepared, incompetent, and scared to death.  Hopefully this reminder can help me ride through those moments.

Once in a Lifetime

I usually have Wednesday evening clinicals, so I was disappointed when I heard that our young women activity was moved to Wednesday night this week, but, of course, I got my snow day, and so I got the chance to go to the activity... and it was AWESOME!

Elder Bednar and Elder Scott from the Quorum of the 12 Apostles set up a video conference between our ward and another ward in our stake plus a ward or 2 up somewhere in Massachusettes.  They could see our youth over the webcam, and our youth could see them, and they could talk and interact.  The format was a sort of open forum, where the youth had the chance to approach a microphone and ask the apostles pretty much anything they wanted. There were some excellent questions, and, of course, fabulous answers from the apostles.  I was really overwhelmed by how wonderful this opportunity was for our youth.  I felt the Spirit in that room as our youth expressed curiosity, concern, and desires to be better.  I felt a genuine concern and love for our youth in the answers of the apostles gave.  They were very human- it's always fun to see them in settings other than general conference.  Elder Bednar told us about a time in high school when he called a bunch of his friends stupid for the choices they were making.  Elder Scott shared a funny but sweet story about gaining his personal testimony.  He also told a really corny joke that was just awesome.  And, at one point, the two of them gave each other... I am not sure what it's called really... "some bones"... people called it the terrorist fist bump when Barack and Michelle Obama did it.  It was pretty funny.  What an amazing opportunity!  I would have loved for that to happen when I was a youth.  Heck, I enjoyed it a whole ton now, and I am old and it wasn't even meant for me.  Once when I was working as a server at the Joseph Smith Memorial Building, I got called in to work on what's called a VIP function.  If I remember correctly, the granddaughter of some general authority got married and a bunch of the apostles showed up.  Elder Faust came, pushing his cute little wife in a wheelchair.  Elder Perry filled the whole room with his big smile and booming voice.  I served dinner to Elder Oaks.  Elder Scott was there too, shorter in real life than I imagined.  I am sure there were others also.  I thought it was just the greatest thing at the time to get to even see them in real life and up close.  So how great to have the chance to ask them anything you want. How lucky we are to know that there are living prophets and apostles on the earth today.

Pray for Snow

Ok, ok, I absolutely hate snow.  I really do.  I would be content to live in a place where it is always warm.  But this once, I make an exception.  I could use a snow day.  I am tired.  I am already sick of this term.  And I wanna study for midterms.  So pray for snow, and lots of it so that I can stay home tomorrow. :)

Update: Thanks to all 2 of you who prayed for me, wish granted!  No clinical today, and I got a TON of productive stuff done.  Thanks guys!

A funny little clip

Every year on Christmas, my family goes to see a movie.  This year, I really wanted to see Bedtime Stories.  It didn't get great reviews or anything, but it looked fun and cute.  We usually see that sort of movie on Christmas so I thought it was a shoe in.  I was wrong.  I was horribly outvoted so we went and saw the Curious Case of Benjamin Button.  I really didn't like it.  It just went on, and on, and on.  Anyway, that's not really very relevant to this, but Zack showed me this little clip and I thought it was funny so enjoy.  It might take a little time to load. Be patient. Also, it's probably funnier if you've actually seen Benjamin Button, but you can still enjoy it if you haven't.

PS- I actually think Forrest Gump is a pretty good show.

Another one of my cheesy posts

I've been bugging Zack to post something.  We haven't heard from him in a while on here, I have nothing much to say, and the last post has been floating at the top of the blog for a while.  It's time for a change.  But since he hasn't written, I guess I will post a little bit of nothing instead.

We have been very busy around here.  Zack is thinking hard about grad schools and has been working on applications.  I think this stage of the game can be unnerving.  It's all about waiting. Waiting to see where he gets in, waiting to see what kind of scholarships places will offer, waiting to see what I should do in terms of a job search, waiting to even think about moving (since we might just end up staying here).  I don't really know that we'd do much with the information at this point even if we knew where we were going to go.  I suppose I might be job hunting, but that's probably the extent of it.  I like to plan things out though, and uncertainties like this can drive me nuts.  I am the kind of person who starts packing a couple of days before a vacation.  I make lists all the time because I love lists. Actually, I think mostly I love crossing things off lists.  We sit down at the beginning of each week and plan the week out.  I know I drive Zack nuts because it seems like I want to know what he will be doing every single hour of each day.  When I get up in the morning, I immediately begin plotting what I will do for each hour of that day.  Sticking to that plan is another story, but I sure like making the plans.  That's me.

I remember as an older teenager/young adult, I was having sentiments similar to the ones that I am having now.  A lot of things were just up in the air.  Times were really uncertain for me and there was no way to just plot it all out.  The only thing to do was wait and see how things in my life played out.  It was torturous for me.  I spent a lot of time worrying about things I couldn't control.  I sometimes even felt sort of impatient with God.  I was trying to do the right things and I was trying to plan my life the best way I knew how, but my ability to plan ahead just wasn't working out the way I thought it should.  Then I went to a fireside and a major topic of the talk was faith.  A lot of times in the church we hear that thing about how sometimes you have to take a step into the dark, not knowing what's ahead, and just trust in God.  After that fireside, it was like God was trying to smack me over the head with the concept.  Almost every talk in church, fireside after fireside after fireside, words in the scriptures, hymns- suddenly everything seemed to be about that concept of having faith when the future is uncertain.  At first it was weird how it was jumping out at me all the time, then I started to get annoyed.  "I get the point!" I would think.  Then it became a joke of sorts between myself and a good friend of mine. We often attended firesides and such together, and she started picking it out all the time too and we would talk about it and laugh about it.  Then, finally, I came to like it.  I actually took it to heart, and was comforted by it.  Lead, Kindly Light became my favorite hymn.  "Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see the distant scene-- One step enough for me."  And I guess I had learned my lesson because over time, that quit jumping out at me in every single thing I heard. It is a concept that was and is near to me heart, and I still think about it often, but I don't feel like I am getting smacked over the head with it all the time anymore.

So I guess my point is that although this time feels like a limbo of sorts, and it's sort of annoying to me, at least I do not feel all worried by it most of the time.  I think about it. Sometimes I wish I just knew what was going to happen.  But when we pray, we pray that we will be guided in making the right decision and ending up where we should.  So I continue to have my constant preoccupations with planning and working things out and wishing I knew what is next, but it's not nearly so torturous as it used to be because I know things have a way of coming together.

Wow, I wasn't expecting all that to spill out when I started this post.  I hope it wasn't too cheesy to stand.

Back To Real Life

Here we go again.  Zack still has a few more days of freedom (if you don't count work) before he goes back to school, but I started back up on Monday, and it's gonna be a crazy 11 weeks.

This term, I only have 2 clinical rotations- Gerontology (old people) and Critical Care.  One is pretty close, the other is not (and is early on Saturday morning again), but at least this time I don't have to worry about how I am going to get there and I don't have to worry about buying a car (an extremely time consuming process) while attending school.  But never fear... I have 3 full days of classes (one of the days is a mere 4 hours of classes with a 2 and a half hour break in between and the other 2 are 8 hours of classes with a 1 hour break in the middle), more readings/assignments/homework than ever, a comprehensive adult health HESI at midterms this time, skills checkouts that begin next week, and a contract to answer somewhere near 250 NCLEX practice questions per week.  They wouldn't let only 2 clinicals hold me back from having my entire life engulfed by this program.

Can you tell I am not entirely excited to be back?  But I promise I am trying to look on the bright side.  Only 11 more weeks, assuming I pass my comprehensive HESI on the first try, and then I am DONE.  I mean done done.  Like no more school ever unless I want to.  And my parents will get to come out for my pinning ceremony, which will be so great.  And unlike most of the other students in my cohort, I will probably have to wait a little bit after I graduate before I get a job since we will be moving not long after I am done.  That means that I can spend this term focusing on my work instead of on applications and resumes and interviews like the other people are.  I will have a couple months after I'm done to think about that.  The weather might start looking somewhat spring-like sometime during this term, which always make me happy.  And we will make time to have some fun even when I am so busy.  So I know when I look back on it, I will think that it sped by and that it wasn't half bad.  

In other news, we did enjoy the last bit of our break.  We finally found a chance to go to the temple, which we were really looking forward to since we don't get that opportunity as often as we'd like here.  We ate lots more good food (too much, as evidenced by my weight when we got home :) ), spent time with our families, and crammed very nearly everything into our suitcases.

At the airport, my suitcase ended up being 6 pounds overweight, which is a $90 fee, so I decided to shift some things to my carry on so I wouldn't have to pay the fee.  I took my NCLEX practice book out, and it was under the weight limit.  That's all it took.  I can't believe I lugged that thing on my vacation and then didn't even crack it!  I had good intentions.  I really did.  But other things took the priority.

We love Philadelphia and are happy to be home.  Thanks to all our family and friends in Utah. We love you and will miss you.