Another one of my cheesy posts

I've been bugging Zack to post something.  We haven't heard from him in a while on here, I have nothing much to say, and the last post has been floating at the top of the blog for a while.  It's time for a change.  But since he hasn't written, I guess I will post a little bit of nothing instead.

We have been very busy around here.  Zack is thinking hard about grad schools and has been working on applications.  I think this stage of the game can be unnerving.  It's all about waiting. Waiting to see where he gets in, waiting to see what kind of scholarships places will offer, waiting to see what I should do in terms of a job search, waiting to even think about moving (since we might just end up staying here).  I don't really know that we'd do much with the information at this point even if we knew where we were going to go.  I suppose I might be job hunting, but that's probably the extent of it.  I like to plan things out though, and uncertainties like this can drive me nuts.  I am the kind of person who starts packing a couple of days before a vacation.  I make lists all the time because I love lists. Actually, I think mostly I love crossing things off lists.  We sit down at the beginning of each week and plan the week out.  I know I drive Zack nuts because it seems like I want to know what he will be doing every single hour of each day.  When I get up in the morning, I immediately begin plotting what I will do for each hour of that day.  Sticking to that plan is another story, but I sure like making the plans.  That's me.

I remember as an older teenager/young adult, I was having sentiments similar to the ones that I am having now.  A lot of things were just up in the air.  Times were really uncertain for me and there was no way to just plot it all out.  The only thing to do was wait and see how things in my life played out.  It was torturous for me.  I spent a lot of time worrying about things I couldn't control.  I sometimes even felt sort of impatient with God.  I was trying to do the right things and I was trying to plan my life the best way I knew how, but my ability to plan ahead just wasn't working out the way I thought it should.  Then I went to a fireside and a major topic of the talk was faith.  A lot of times in the church we hear that thing about how sometimes you have to take a step into the dark, not knowing what's ahead, and just trust in God.  After that fireside, it was like God was trying to smack me over the head with the concept.  Almost every talk in church, fireside after fireside after fireside, words in the scriptures, hymns- suddenly everything seemed to be about that concept of having faith when the future is uncertain.  At first it was weird how it was jumping out at me all the time, then I started to get annoyed.  "I get the point!" I would think.  Then it became a joke of sorts between myself and a good friend of mine. We often attended firesides and such together, and she started picking it out all the time too and we would talk about it and laugh about it.  Then, finally, I came to like it.  I actually took it to heart, and was comforted by it.  Lead, Kindly Light became my favorite hymn.  "Keep thou my feet; I do not ask to see the distant scene-- One step enough for me."  And I guess I had learned my lesson because over time, that quit jumping out at me in every single thing I heard. It is a concept that was and is near to me heart, and I still think about it often, but I don't feel like I am getting smacked over the head with it all the time anymore.

So I guess my point is that although this time feels like a limbo of sorts, and it's sort of annoying to me, at least I do not feel all worried by it most of the time.  I think about it. Sometimes I wish I just knew what was going to happen.  But when we pray, we pray that we will be guided in making the right decision and ending up where we should.  So I continue to have my constant preoccupations with planning and working things out and wishing I knew what is next, but it's not nearly so torturous as it used to be because I know things have a way of coming together.

Wow, I wasn't expecting all that to spill out when I started this post.  I hope it wasn't too cheesy to stand.