For a year and a half now

WARNING: This is a pretty personal post.  Boys and anyone who just isn't interested in having too much information about me may want to skip this one.  See you next time.

It's hard for me to open up about stuff, especially stuff like this, especially in this public (ha ha) way, but I feel it is important.

When we got married, we, like many couples, did not want to have kids right away.  Zack is just now about to finish his undergrad, and I hadn't even begun nursing school yet, so I did what lots of people do, and I went on birth control.  I went on it a couple months before I got married to get my body into the groove of it all, and I had relatively few problems.  Sure, I had a ton of the expected side effects, but I thought that with a few months and some patience, they would wear off.  So we got married in early August and moved here just a couple weeks later.

After we moved here, it got really bad.  I had birth control side effects like crazy.  I packed on 20 pounds in seriously about 1 month.  I had to pee like every 6 seconds (I used more public bathrooms- yuck!- in those months than probably in my whole life before that), I was depressed and moody. I did not go see a doctor because I was having a hard time separating what side effects were due to the birth control and which were just me (and also because I was uninsured for most of the months until I started school).  I told myself a lot of the time that I had packed on the weight and I was so sad and moody because I had just left my whole life behind to move 2000 miles away from everyone and everything I knew.  I blamed myself, saying that if I just tried harder, I could be strong enough to handle this.  It wasn't true though. I had just made some big changes, but I was ready for them and happy about them.  It was very, very frustrating that I could not find a job when I first moved out here, but that alone shouldn't have thrown me into a crazy depressed state.  And my eating habits really hadn't changed that much with the move.  I fed myself an awful lot when I still lived at home with my parents, mostly because of the crazy schedule I kept.  I was going to the gym before I got married, and I had a gym membership and was going to the gym still when we moved here.  So none of that accounts for the weight gain- at least not 20 pounds in so short a time.  Basically,  I was just miserable.

When I was going to start school (and was insured again), I decided that I needed to do something about this or else I would not make it through school, so I went and saw the nurse practitioner.  I told her about some of my symptoms (leaving some out that I was still attributing to personal weakness) and expressed my exasperation.  I told her that I did not understand how these side effects could get so out of control.  When I had gone on the pill, I had talked to the PA at home about how the women in my family often have trouble with birth control and she purposely put me on a pill with a very low dose of hormones to minimize side effects.  How could a low dose pill be wreaking such havoc on me?  That's when it all became clear.  The NP informed me that the medication I had been taking since I moved was not the low dose.  Somehow, the pharmacy here in Philly had switched me to a high dose generic without informing me and so, 6 months and 20 pounds later, I was absolutely miserable.  And that is why the problems didn't spiral out of control until I moved.  She promptly wrote me a prescription for something low dose and I immediately went on that instead.

In the year since that happened, I have stayed on the low dose.  The expected side effects have never really gone away.  I go through cycles- for a while I will get headaches all the time, then I will be nauseous frequently, after that I will have to pee a lot, and so forth.  I am always moody. And the past year being what it was, I did not make the time to exercise to get my body back in shape.

I guess I am spilling all of this because I feel like sometimes people do not understand what is going on and it becomes an issue.  I am very very self-conscious about my weight.  I had never really struggled with it before.  I never was a twig or anything, but I was a nice weight for my height, and I was comfortable in my skin.  Now, I am stuck squeezing into the same clothes I was wearing 20 pounds ago because there is no way I can afford a whole new wardrobe.  So I bring it up a lot, sort of jokingly most of the time, to keep it from becoming a sore point.  Now that I am out of school, I am hitting the gym almost daily.  I am working hard.  I am trying to eat better.  But it is much harder to take weight off than to put it on.  Despite that I have been at this for a month, no results yet.  It is very frustrating to me.  So bear with me as I go through this.  

The second thing I want to spit out there is just that I have been sick a lot as I have been going through all this for the past year and a half.  Sometimes it's a bad headache.  Sometimes I am at home puking.  Sometimes I am just too moody and emotional to be able to handle anything.  I know that I have missed out on some good opportunities for fun, opportunities to help and support people, etc. because of this.  Please do not think that I am blind to that.  But if you ever get that call that I just can't make it because I am not feeling well, just know that it is not just a ploy to get out of something.  And if you see me 2 hours later and I look like I am fine and feeling better, maybe I am, but that doesn't mean I was feeling fine earlier.  I make jokes about it.  One month, I kept getting sick every single weekend for some reason (Saturdays and Sundays).  I missed church a few times in a row.  So I joked that I was allergic to Sundays.  But really, it sucked.  I wanted to be at church.  I did not want to be sick.

Anyway, I am not seeking sympathy or anything.  I just wanted to share a little bit about what's going on with anyone who reads this in an attempt to help you understand me and why I do what I do a little better.  I know that I have been self-centered a lot of the time while I have been struggling with this (and with school, of course).  Now that school is out and I have a life again, we are ready to explore other options in this department that will hopefully work out better for me.  Please be aware that this process is underway.  I am not blind to the fact that I am a person with choices, and I want to make the choices that allow me to the be the best person, friend, and family member I can be.

I do not mean to suggest that my life sucks or that I am so picked on or anything like that.  I am generally very happy and pleased with life right now.  I love my husband.  I think my family and friends are just awesome.  I am just going through a couple of small struggles, and want to help you all understand.

Thanks for reading... something more lighthearted to come next time.

Punny conversation

Last night...

S: Did you turn off the fan?

Z: Yes

S: Did you turn off the lights?

Z: Yes.  Are there any other electrical questions you want to ask?

S: Why are there sparks flying between us?

Z: Watt?

S: You're so wonderful, sometimes I wonder if you're a filament of my imagination.

Z: I am glad to be ohm with you.

S: You turn me on.

Z: I'm devolted to you.

S: You send currents down my spine.

Z: (as we're laughing our heads off) I'm glad you found an outlet for your stress.

S: I feel so charged up when I am with you.

Z: You're the light of my life.

S: Our love is powerful.

Oh yes, we are easily amused.

Day Trip

Yesterday was stake temple day so we got up early, picked up a couple of our awesome Philly friends (Jesse and Savanna) and headed down to Washington DC.  We saw a lot of people from our ward and stake at the temple, and I saw my grandma before the session, which was awesome. After the session, we walked around the temple grounds, which were very lovely, and then grandma took us all to lunch.  Thanks grandma!  

After that, we were planning on hitting up the National Zoo (which is free!) but the temple and lunch took longer than expected and we didn't feel like we would have enough time at the zoo.  So, we headed into downtown DC to do an abbreviated tour of the mall.  Savanna had never been and Jesse hadn't been in like 10 years, so we just made a (not so) little loop from the Jefferson Memorial to the Washington Monument, up to the White House, around to the Lincoln (and WWII and Vietnam and Korea) Memorial(s), and finally through the FDR memorial back to the car.  

It was 90 degrees outside so it felt like a nice summer day.  Tons of people were out.  It was really a blast.  After our little DC tour, we hopped back in the car and drove home, getting home about 14 hours after we left. Needless to say, I fell right asleep when I climbed into bed.  It was a long day.  But so so fun. Thanks for going with us Jesse and Savanna.

Spring!

We had the most delightful day yesterday.  The forecast said the high would be 77, so we spent the day outside, of course.  We began (at a very decent hour, especially for a Saturday) by hitting up the flea market at nearby Clark Park.  There were lots of vendors and people there and it was fun to just walk around and people watch and listen to the lady on the microphone yak about how awesome herbs are.  Next we made our way downtown and started with mango water ice at City Hall.  

We beat around some of our favorite haunts and began the Grand Philly Photo Tour.  I want us to take a bzillion pictures of this place before we move away so we won't forget anything, so I decided that as soon as the weather warmed up, we could begin said endeavor, and yesterday was the grand kickoff. 

That took up a large portion of our afternoon.  We were going to enjoy the weather at our favorite mini golf course, but everyone else had the same idea and we decided that it was too crowded, so we headed home.  Since we got up so early, we indulged in a nap, and then we wrapped up by going to the Waterworks.  We watched the sunset over the Schuylkill River.

I don't know about Zack but I just felt so content at that moment.  We had an awesome, relaxing day.  We enjoyed each other's company.  And as I watched that sunset, I realized that I haven't really just sat and pondered and savored just about anything for quite some time.  My life has been go go go for the past year of nursing school, and even though I am out now, it seems as if I am still in that mode.  I am ready to take a break from it.  I know there will be plenty more times in my life when chaos prevails.  I want to enjoy this short break from that. And I want to learn to better appreciate the simple and beautiful things in my life, even when life is chaotic.

Shane Noyce, RN

So there were no other mishaps over the weekend, and I took my boards yesterday. My sweet husband got up at 5:45 AM with me so he could go with me. He's so sweet. I could've been in there taking my boards for up to 6 hours, but he wanted to go anyway. So we drove our way up to Wayne, PA, about 20 miles north of us. We got there nice and early since we left early in case we hit traffic. We did hit traffic, but only for about 5 minutes, so it was no big deal. So I left my husband in the car to study for his classes and I went into the testing center. There they checked my ID and took my fingerprint. They gave me a key to a locker to put all my stuff in. I was surprised that they let me wear clothes into the test. They were so strict that nothing could go in there with me. No chapstick, nothing in my pockets, I couldn't even wear a watch. Then they checked my ID and fingerprint again and let me in to sit at the computer. I had to take a little pretest showing me what types of questions (multiple choice, select all that apply, etc) might be asked on the test. Then came the 1st NCLEX question. I am forbidden by law to discuss what was on the exam (seriously), but it was tough. The NCLEX exam can be anywhere from 75 to 265 questions. The test kicks you out when it can tell with 95% accuracy that you are either above or below their standard of proficiency. So, you can pass on a shorter, harder test, or a longer, easier one. It just depends on how you are doing along the way. The computer spits out questions based on that. But the length of your test really doesn't tell you too much. If you get kicked out at 75 questions, it either means you proved your proficiency in the smallest number of questions possible, or it can mean that you proved that you aren't proficient in the smallest number of questions possible. I don't know if that made any sense. In any case, I was watching the question count like a hawk. I don't like to take exams, which is one reason why I take them so fast. The sooner you're done, the sooner you're outta there. As I creeped toward 75, I was torn about what I wanted to have happen. I kinda wished I would just be done at that point, but as long as the test is still going, you know you haven't failed, so I also was apprehensive about the moment when it would kick me out. Well, I answered the 75th question, and it did indeed kick me out. I was horrified and relieved at the same time. So I got outta there. Thank heavens my husband only had to sit in the car for as long as he did. And we headed home.

I do not know my score, but I have been watching the website where the state posts all the licenses that it gives out, and this morning it said that I have a valid license to practice as a registered nurse, so I passed. Unfortunately, they misspelled my name on there (thus the title of this blog post), so I gotta work that out, but who cares. I passed! I can be a nurse now!

In other good news, we found an apartment to live in until December (and possibly beyond, depending on where Zack decides to do grad school). Zack's job also agreed to keep him on until the end of the year (and beyond if needed) with a raise, which we are very pleased about.

Now it's time for me to get started on the job hunt. It's gonna be ugly in this economy. I expect it'll take a couple months at least. I hope I can find something. I am gonna revel in my excitement a little before I worry about that too much though.

NCLEX woes

I want to take my NCLEX.  I have been unable to apply for jobs thus far because most places want you to already have your license before they will consider you, with the economy being what it is and all.  So I dropped off my paperwork at the school to have them fill out their part. It took 10 days to make its way back to me.   So I mailed it to the state and have been waiting for my authorization to test (ATT) for a while.  It actually came faster than I thought it would, but slower than I hoped it would.  I have been sitting at my e-mail pretty much all day every day waiting for it to come.  When it came, that basically meant I had permission to schedule my exam date.  At long last, it came last evening, so of course I got online right away to schedule my exam.  There was an appointment available this morning, but I felt like that was a little bit too fast, so I scheduled for Monday instead.

A little while later, I realized my driver's license was missing.  I took it with me in my purse when I went to the gym earlier in the day.  It must've gotten lost sometime during that outing. We ransacked our apartment... not here.  We retraced my steps from the car to the apartment- nope.  We called the gym and asked if anyone had turned it in.  No one had.  Just to be safe, we drove to the gym and looked around there, through the locker I used, out in the parking lot.  No sign of it.  It's a pain to have to go get a new license, but not really that big of a deal, right? Well that's the only form of ID that I had that they consider acceptable for entry into the NCLEX. The other 2 are a passport (nope, I don't have one) or a state ID (don't have one of those either).  And they do not accept temporary licenses either, so I thought that I would pretty much have to put off my NCLEX indefinitely while I went and signed up for a new license and waited for it to come in the mail.  Boy oh boy was I mad at myself for losing that license.

Anyway, after a little research, we decided that it looked like they wouldn't need to issue me a temporary license after all.  If I went into the driver's license office, they would just issue me a new, valid license then and there.  In an effort to avoid postponing my exam, we went to the driver's license office today (a Saturday).  Yes, I know, we are brave.  We went to one a couple miles away instead of going to the one downtown in hopes that it'd be less crowded.  It worked. I think we were there for maybe 15 minutes total, and I did indeed get a new license (not a temporary one).  So, assuming we avoid any other dramatic last minute events that keep me from it, I will be taking my NCLEX bright and early Monday morning and will know my (unofficial) score by Wednesday. 

Pinning

Tuesday was my pinning ceremony.  My parents flew out for it, so we got to spend the weekend together.  We had a nice relaxing weekend.  We did some sightseeing, but also watched General Conference and just had some nice time to sit and chat.  

We went to the seaport museum.  I didn't think I was horribly interested but dad mentioned it, and it was actually very good.  After going through the museum, we had the chance to walk through a ship and a submarine.  Very cool.  I never want to join the navy though, especially if I have to live in a submarine. 

We also saw the beautiful Woodland Cemetery across the street from us here and went out to Bartram's Garden for a picnic.  

The garden was just starting to bloom so it wasn't nearly as lovely as it can be, but it was still very pretty.  We spent some time beating around Old City also.  

For me, the highlight of the week (besides having my parents come of course) was the pinning ceremony.  I was very excited for it and it turned out to be excellent.  The speeches were very good.  The procession did not last horribly long since there weren't that many of us (that's usually the worst part of graduation ceremonies).  We each got our pin and we took the Nightengale Oath (nurse version of the Hippocratic Oath).  

There were some awards given and a slideshow, and the whole thing was followed by a reception with some food.  Our awesome friends Natalie and Robert came out and supported me too, which was so great.  

So I am one step closer to being an official nurse.  Still waiting for the state to process my paperwork so I can take my boards.  

Anyway, thanks to mom and dad for coming out.  We had a blast.

I want one!!!

Anyone here like WALL-E?

Like Computers?

Well, look what a machine shop, eighteen days, and some impressive talent can get you.

One of these.