A little stress relief

It is midterm week and I am stressed out to the max.  This could make or break the term for me in an instant.  I think I am going to avoid whining about it this post and instead write about 10 happy/yummy/fun/likable things.

10- Cereal.  I just love it.  Especially the sugary kinds.  No, I do not have any Lucky Charms in my house at the moment, and I won't wax on about them any more than I already have in a previous post.  I had Honey Nut Cheerios this morning.  Yum

9- The X files movie is coming out this week.  Oh yeah!  I'm not a big fan of movie theatres and it can take an awful lot to get me to one, but this will be one of those occasions where I run toward the theatre with child-like enthusiasm.

8- Zack and I are going to see Les Miserables tomorrow night.  Several months ago when we bought the tickets, we didn't know what my school schedule was going to be like or even if I would be able to go but it really couldn't have ended up on a better night.  

7- I had this little friend in elementary school and jr high.  Well, it's her birthday today.  We don't stay in touch or anything, but I always remember her birthday.  I don't know why.  She won't read this, but Happy Birthday KaeDee.

6- Yes, you've heard about it on my blog ever so many times, but I honestly think my quality of life has improved 10 fold since I got my dishwasher.  Seriously.  

5- After this week, I will be 3/8 of the way through my program.   "I think I can, I think I can, I think I can."

4- I get to go to the temple this week.  That is a rare and sweet blessing these days since we don't have one here in Philly.

3- I live in Philly, "the city of brotherly love".  I love it here, and I am having so many opportunities that I would never have gotten in Utah.  I have met some of the nicest people ever.  

2- I got to sleep in this morning, a rare event for a Monday.  

1- Sorry ladies, but I have the distinction of having the best husband on the planet.  Don't believe me?  Go reread what he wrote a couple of posts ago and get back to me.  He is just so sweet, always thinking of me, always treating me awesome, even when I least deserve it.

Letting my thoughts run on

tick, tick, tick, tick, that spot on the floor is black and I should mop it up but i can't mop right now because i am thinking about statins.  i don't know why statins since the beta blockers and ACE inhibitors-cough cough- are more important, but statins. and sleep. Lint, mailbox, we're having company for dinner, which was delicious last night.  Sausage-everyone loves sausage.  i love sausage, Zack loves sausage and he picked up what i needed for the medals tomorrow, and i should put the spoons in my bag right now so i don't forget but i can't because I'm thinking about statins, and now i know why statins. that's the last thing i studied in the blue binder and yes, the towels need to be washed with the rest of it, which I am not going to do because i have to learn about something other than statins or there's no way i'm getting through this.  Maybe it's just because it's a nice, catchy word. there were the statins and then the electrode, which was nasty, and I don't want that, and after seeing an epidural, i'm rethinking getting that too. blood, oh so much.  they already lose enough of that.  but good thing i am not doing any of that any time soon because i have other stuff to do before I get there. Like clean that awful black spot off the floor, must get the mop, but i really need to not.  i really need to not. focus, focus, discipline, discipline, but i am too tired to just sit, so maybe I should eat some fruit snacks to help me stay awake  Batman fruit snacks, which we got in honor of the free batman movie tickets which I hope don't take too long to get here. Christian Bale is hot. and today is. Mailbox, pink envelope, it's almost been a year and we still haven't used those up, which sorta makes me happy because i love them from the top of my toes.  The top of my toes? Hmmm. I love them. i ordered them online, hoping they would be just the right color and i don't think i thought they were at the very first but then they really were, and the first flowers were not right at all but the ones that really mattered really were just perfect, couldn't have been better. she kept a garden, a nice one, and then she went to work, and there was the epidural, and the blood, and the spot on my floor and the mailbox and the towels and the statins.  And that basically wraps up what's on my mind for the moment.

Well shucks.  I'd love to just leave that last post up forever.  Isn't my husband just the sweetest thing?  I definitely did not deserve that.  Thanks to all of you who commented and said such nice things too.

I apologize that I do not have a way with words like he does, and I admit that I am still in a topic dearth, but, as I often do, I am going to spit something out on here anyway.

It has been a much better week this week, perhaps partly owing to the fact that one night, I decided to lay down for just a quick little nap at 7:00 PM and next thing I knew, my alarm was going off for me to get up in the morning.  I don't think I've ever felt better at a clinical in my life. I usually get half as much sleep as that.  Of course, that meant that I didn't get any studying done that evening.  I've decided to get over that though.  Also, I've almost crossed that nasty threshold... I like to get my readings for class done before class.  It's tricky to get to that point though because for week 1, you're trying to do all the readings for week 1 and week 2, which is virtually impossible if you ask me.  So it usually takes me a couple of weeks before I really get there.  I think this may be that week.  Love that feeling.

I am amazed how fast summer is going.  I have always loved summer the best.  For a few years, I tried to convince myself that fall is better because I love when the leaves change color and I love Halloween, but it really was just me trying to fool myself.  Summer wins, even out here in humid Philadelphia.  I am sad that it is flying by so fast.  I have hardly done any summer things even.  Now that I am feeling like I am getting on top of school though, I have good intentions to get out there and soak up some rays in a responsible, well-sunblocked manner.  In fact, what am I doing sitting in here in front of my computer when it is 83 degrees and sunny out?

My wife

Some people just get it.

That antecedent-less pronoun is intentionally ambiguous. "It" is the motivation to get out of bed. "It" is the reason to reach out to others. "It" is the true essence of life. "It" is everything big or important in this or any life. But "It" is also the minutia -- the perfunctory details of life. Every bit as much as "It"may shape the life decisions we make like with whom to associate, "It" reminds us to brush our teeth or fold the laundry. The anonymity afforded it by lower-case letters and convoluting sentence structures in no way diminishes its importance.

It is everything in this life that matters and everything that we so often fail to recognize.

I wish I were one of those who "got it." Perhaps my ambiguity was inadvertent. It could well be true that there is an easily articulable "It" which I don't know.

Somehow I doubt that.

I believe "It" (hereafter: it) cannot be expressed in very specific terms, nor can it be learned through study or explanation. It can only be learned through experience, attention and God's grace.

My wife gets it.

I have never met an individual whose head was screwed on so straight. As near as I can tell, ShaNae's priorities are perfect in every way. She excels in any endeavor she undertakes while refusing to take credit for any of it. She got 5 As and 1 A+ last quarter, didn't tell anyone about it and complains to me this term almost as much as she did last term about how she's going to fail. I remember one time when we were tidying up our apartment, she took down the nondescript light fixture from our bedroom ceiling and made sure to scrape the paint that had gotten on it even though the company wouldn't be in the bedroom and no one would have ever noticed or cared that the paint was there. 

Even that is small potatoes though. ShaNae is the greatest personification of charity that I have ever met. She will always be the first to look at things from another person's perspective. I have never know her to make a hasty or prejudicial judgment and she does not even allow people's ridiculous actions to throw a negative shadow on her perception of them as decent human beings. She truly sees that there is the potential for greatness -- indeed for perfection -- in each and every one of us.

ShaNae thinks about the implications of her actions for other people. She studies long and hard every day. But she doesn't do it so that she will get a good grade. She does it because she genuinely cares about knowing the information and believes that it will help her to help a patient some day. So while other students are doing what it takes to pass their classes or even what it does to get good grades, she is doing what it takes to best prepare herself to work as a nurse. You know how professors put all the chapters they're not going to cover on the syllabus under the first week of the course? She reads them all.

Often I find myself being inconsiderate without so much as noticing it. I may be saying something that seems pefectly reasonable to me, but it is my wife who invariably refuses to see things only from my own narrow perspective -- or even her own broad perspective. I remember a talk from one sacrament about charity that was very good. One of the sticking points with me was that real charity does not allow us to ignore other individuals' needs or perspectives. It demands that we view every situation from every affected child of God's perspective. And part of the reason I remember that point was because it failed to live up to that same standard. It was delievered in a bilingual ward where English talks were translated into the idioma de los dioses and the speaker neglected the courtesy of giving a few notes to the translator (no, it wasn't me so this isn't sour grapes) which is a common courtesy and helps simultaneous translation a LOT (especially if you give a list of scriptures since those are some of the toughest to translate). True charity is and must be an active pursuit. It demands that we aggressively remind ourselve that we are but one of our Heavenly Father's numberless (to us that is; numbered, named and known to Him) children and that he is no respecter of persons -- he loves each of His children equally regardless of their race, sex, profession, talents, passions, decisions, actions, or thoughts. ShaNae is my greatest and most constant exemplar of this kind of charity. She strives to make her empathy perfect that her charity may be made perfect.

Honey, I love you. (Since you are undoubtedly the only one who made it down this far, I feel safe addressing that directly to you.) Will you please be my wife forever? I really need someone to drag my butt to the Celestial Kingdom kicking (against the pricks) and screaming the whole way, and I can't think of a better person to do it than you.

The City of Independence

I feel so honored to be in the very place where, 232 years ago today, America declared its independence.  I honestly can't think of a better place to spend the 4th of July (although it would be better if we could celebrate with our families-- leave now guys, and you can still make it in time for the fireworks here).  I am moved by the thought of the boldness and sacrifice of those men who dared declare themselves independent on this day those years ago.  Many others have worked and sacrificed since then to maintain that independence.  I do not mean to minimize those efforts and sacrifices.  Yet as I reflect on my country this day, I feel somewhat saddened. We have become a nation so full of arrogance that we have alienated others of the world, trampling down opportunities for verbal discourse and friendship.  We pump our federal budget and our citizens into maintaining wars overseas while we have major problems right here at home.  We live in a time when many developed countries have instituted programs to provide for their citizens by providing healthcare coverage for all, thus increasing the overall well being of the country.  The United States lags far behind in this department and, as a result, is lagging behind those other nations is infant mortality rate, prevention-focused health measures, and other things.  We are consuming more of the world's resources (including per capita, mind you) than the people of other nations, effectively destroying the planet for the other people on it and for our very own posterity.  And still, people diminish patriotism to wearing red, white, and blue and they turn it into a major issue when a presidential candidate refuses to wear a flag pin.  They cannot see what he sees, that patriotism is about much more than apple pie, flag pins, and getting a tear in your eye when you hear "God Bless America" playing.  If we really feel proud to be Americans, we should start showing it.  We should start taking care of our fellow citizens and actually setting a good example for the people of the world.  Patriotism is much more than wearing red, white, and blue and proclaiming that we love America. It's showing that we love it by participating in the process and doing what we feel is right to improve the nation that so many have worked to build.  

That being said, I love my country, and am so happy that I have the opportunity to live here. I'm going to put on my red, white, and blue and get out there in this historic city and have fun.  But when today is over, I hope that I can really show my patriotism by working to find ways to make my country a better place.

I've been thinking for a few days that I should write a new post since my last one was pretty boring anyway, but every time I start to write a new post, I realize that I do not have anything more exciting than that to say anyway. Still don't.  I'll write though.

When I first started this nursing program, they told us never to talk to the students that were one cycle (2 terms) ahead of us.  They tell us the key is to not let negativity creep into our lives, and that those students ahead of us would be chalk full of negativity.  Now I know why.  When I first started, they would have just finished the term that I am in now.  I can say with a firm conviction after only 1 and a half weeks of this term that it's a beast.  I don't think I have been so raunchy in my whole life as I have been this past week and a half.  My poor husband has to put up with my flying from one emotion to the next- excitement about finishing an assignment to ranting about how many more I have to do, chit chatting his ear off to slamming the door in his face just because I feel like it, crying for no apparent reason.  This program is making me act like I've had a mega dose of hormones pumped into my bloodstream. 

It really is time for me to get a grip.  Anyone have any really good coping strategies?

20 miles

It's funny how far 20 miles can seem when you do not have a car.  I have 3 clinical rotations this term.  I got so lucky being assigned to 2 at Hahnemann University Hospital (the one that is associated with Drexel- aka it's right where I go to school every day anyway).  Additionally, for one of my rotations, I have to go the night before and get information about my patients so I can make care plans and such for them before clinical.  That rotation is one of the ones at Hahnemann, so I'm not stuck driving forever to get somewhere to plan for my patients only to have to turn around and go back at some awfully early hour the next morning.  Unfortunately, the third rotation ended up being in Malvern, some 20 miles away.  Not only that, but the nearest bus to the facility would still drop me off 1.5+ miles away.  That might be okay if I didn't have to be there so early in the morning.  I would have to leave a little before 5 AM, catch a trolley, transfer to a bus, transfer to another bus, and walk the remaining distance, making it a 2+ hour ordeal. The Malvern rail station isn't close either.  Really frustrating.  So we've decided to get a Philly Car Share car and Zack gets up with me at ultra-early AM (thanks sweetie, love you) and drives me there.  It's a 40-45 minute drive.  Then he turns around and drives home and goes to work.  To get home, I have a girl who lives near the medical school campus up in Queen Lane drop me off there, I take a shuttle to Hahnemann, and then I ride the subway and trolleys home like always.  That takes nearly 2 hours.  Like I said before though, I really, really can't complain because I got so lucky with my other 2 rotations.  It could get a lot worse too.  Some people have a Saturday morning clinical in Wilmington, Delaware, and it's the rotation that they have to go the night before to prepare for.  I avoided Saturday clinicals and Wilmington.  I am just grateful that I have a wonderful husband who is willing to do that for me in the mornings to let me sleep longer, and a generous classmate who will drop me off after, even if it's not at my doorstep.  I can only pray that I get nearly as lucky in the next 2 terms.