A Cheesy Post

Exactly 1 week from now, I will be sitting in my Ethics, Advocacy, and Professionalism in Nursing class for the very first time.  I will be on day 2 of my journey toward a new career.  

Last night, I went out for a walk while Zack was still in class.  I was just enjoying the weather and reflecting.  I thought about the path I've already taken.  When I was nearing the end of high school, I was sure that I wanted to do Pharmacy.  For some unknown reason, just months later, when I started college, I was a pre-nursing major.  The seemingly arbitrary decision to choose Nursing over Pharmacy turned out to be a great blessing when I discovered my intense dislike of Chemistry.  After just 1 semester as a pre-nursing major, I found myself discouraged with the rigidity of the program and the fact that I would actually get to choose only 3 or 4 classes for the entirety of my college career.  I found myself longing for the things I had enjoyed so much before- English, music, and History.  At that time, I spent many hours deciding what would be the best decision for me.  I prayed over and over.  I fasted several times.  I wanted so much to do what was right in my life.  During the last 4 or 5 years of my life, I have noticed a trend, a theme, a lesson that I have been pounded with over and over.  It is that the Lord has provided many tools that can guide me in my decisions, and that He also gives me personal inspiration, but many times, I just get to choose.  Sometimes, there is not exactly a right answer or a wrong answer.  Or even if there is, sometimes I have to take a step in one direction or the other to know which is which.  This was one such decision.  Over and over I got the feeling, the answer, that it was really just my call this time, and that either way, things would work out.  I just needed to figure out what would make me happy.  I resisted that answer.  I didn't want it.  I wanted a clear cut "choose _____" kind of answer.  No such luck.  So I worked out a plan- a compromise of sorts.  My second semester of college, I was a History/pre-nursing double major with a seemingly flawless plan of action.  I would finish my History major and graduate with my degree after 3 and a half years of college (including the one I had spent solely as a pre-nursing major).  During that time, I would also complete all prerequisites for the U's Nursing program.  I would enter their accelerated program 3 months after graduation with my first degree and come out with a second bachelor's degree just 16 months later.  My first degree was completely paid for by scholarship, and I would be able to pay for almost all of the second degree on my own with money saved by working.  When all was finished, I would have been a 22 year old with 2 bachelor's degrees, and very little debt, which I would easily pay off within my first year of working.

Obviously, my plan did not quite work out as well as I had hoped.  My last semester before graduating with my first degree, Zack came home from his mission.  3 months later, I graduated, and 3 months after that, just about 2 weeks before I was supposed to start the nursing program at the U, I got engaged.  I knew at the time (and still do) that marrying Zack was the right thing for me so that left 3 options really: 1- put off the wedding for 16 months until I finished school (many of those months would have been spent apart, with him attending school at Penn), 2- have him leave Penn, his job, his entire life, and make him move back to Utah while I finished my program, 3- find alternative arrangements for myself.

I have sometimes regretted my initial decision to change my major to History.  If I had not changed, I would have been 2 months from being a nurse when I got engaged.  I would have been able to work full time and support us while Zack finished school.  I probably would have never had great difficulty finding a job when we moved here.  And I wouldn't be standing where I am now, faced with trying to balance an extremely rigorous school program, married life, and helping to maintain a household- not to mention the enormous cost of this program, which is more than 5 times what the program at the U would have been.  In spite of all this, I cannot really regret it.  I loved college.  I took classes about architecture, art history, music, and all different types of history that have impacted me deeply, changed the way I look at things, and given me greater appreciation and understanding of life.  Sure, I would have had other insights and opportunities had I done it the other way, but I would have missed these.  

The current situation is not really that dire either.  I will finish this program only about 7 months after I would have finished the other.  So I will be 23 with 2 bachelor's degrees.  Yes, I will have some debt, and no, I will not be able to pay it off in one year.  I do think that making that kind of financial sacrifice has given me a greater understanding of how important education is though.  It is worth what we are paying for it, and then some.  The return, financially and otherwise, will be much greater.  There will be difficult times.  It's not always about taking the easiest path though.

So, 1 week from now, and for 50-something weeks after that, I will give it my all.  I will keep on pushing forward in the face of discomfort, exhaustion, frustration.  I will find satisfaction, a sense of accomplishment, and fulfillment.  I am nervous.  I have strong anxieties and qualms.  Yet I remember that time at the beginning of my time in college when the answer came to me that no matter which of the 2 paths I chose at that time, things would work out.