Venting

Please forgive me while I whine for a bit.

Ok, I admit it... I've hit the wall.  I have been studying for days and days with few breaks except to eat and take tests, and I am ready to be done.  Also, my body decided to contract a horrible cold on Saturday, which exploded on Sunday, just in time for finals week.  I had to bag the studying early that night because I had the worst headache of my life, and I wasn't sure I would be able to drag myself out of my bed long enough to take my final on Monday, let alone pass it. With a little luck and some extra blessings from above (thanks again Robert and my husband), I made it, and I even know that I did fine on that first exam since we reviewed it right afterwards. So then there was today.  Apparently, our class average on the midterm was just a little too high, so the professor decided to write a nasty little final.  Wow, it was hard.  I studied so much. I thought I was at least sorta prepared.  Nope.  And 50% of my grade for that class rests on the final and HESI* that I took today.  She didn't review the test afterwards, so now it's just a hold your breath and hope you passed game.

Unfortunately, even after all that, it really all rides on tomorrow.  I have previously mentioned, and will probably mention again, that I have done somewhat less than mediocre in one of my classes this term.  Tomorrow is the final.  Oh, and it's comprehensive.  Oh, and that includes all the material from this term and last term (it's a 2 part class).  So I am laying here in literally a sea of papers covered in medication prototypes and side effects and interactions, and I just feel overwhelmed.  Did I really learn this stuff before?  Feels like I've never heard of any of it.  Did I really do awesome in this class last term?  I can't imagine why.  I don't know a darn thing about the material.  I guess I must've at some point.  But now it really, really matters, and I don't know it.  And if I don't pass, it'll cost me 6 more months (which will really complicate things since we're supposed to be moving next summer), and a load of cash to retake the course (which I definitely don't have).  I've never been this close to failing before. I've never wanted a C so much in my entire life.

Ahhhh, sometimes it just feels good to vent.  Now I'll hit the books again, probably all night, and come 8 AM tomorrow morning (and then again at 1 PM when I take my HESI) my fate will be decided.  I hope it's a good one.

*Note: A HESI is a standardized exam which is used in many nursing schools across the country.  It's supposed to be modeled after NCLEX, which is the licensing exam for nurses.  We take a HESI in each course throughout the program, and it covers material from that course only.  It's kind of like a comprehensive final for each course.  At the end of the program, we take a big comprehensive HESI that covers anything we learned (or should've learned) in nursing school, and if we pass, we can take the NCLEX and become licensed nurses.