A change of heart

Today marks the end of an era.

When I left young womens and entered the land of young single adulthood in the church, I expected to be called to Primary.  That's basically what happened in my ward, especially the ward we moved to in South Jordan just after I turned 19.  You became a YSA, and you became a Primary teacher.  So I awaited that fate- and it never came.  I became ultra involved in the LDS sororities up at the U, and ended up serving in a variety of callings there, eventually becoming president of my chapter.  I think that played a huge role in keeping me out of Primary.  The bishop of my ward was very aware that I had the ultra time-consuming calling up at the U, and I was pretty much left to myself at church.  When I was released as chapter president, I just stayed under the radar.  If anyone had asked, I would've been honest that I wasn't really serving in any calling, but I wasn't going to just surrender that information, solely because I didn't want to get put in Primary.  I felt like I was ready to become an adult, and the interactions with the older and wiser ladies of my ward was very enriching.

So I made it past young single adulthood without ever serving in Primary.  I got married and we moved here to Philadelphia.  Not too long after we moved into the ward, we were cornered by the Primary president, who asked us to substitute in Primary.  We agreed, and ended up in this rowdy class of 5 year old boys.  It was crazy, and further reinforced my opinion that Primary was the last place I could want to be.  So we avoided the Primary president after that, hoping she wouldn't spring another substitute job on us.  After a few months in the ward, I finally got my 1st calling.  I was in charge of the practice hymns in Relief Society.  I usually just taught a quick little 2 minute lesson about the song, and then we sang it.  It was a cushy calling, and I was living it up.  But it couldn't last forever, and my time came.  Yeah, I know you saw this coming-- they decided to call me to Primary.  I wasn't the happiest person about that, but I was called to be secretary and when I learned that the calling entailed no teaching, no sharing times, etc, I felt a lot better about it.  But I still felt as if I had been banished away to the black hole of the ward where people disappear and are never seen again.  I dealt with this attitude for months. "I don't like kids, I like old people," I would grumble to myself each week.  I saw snot noses and crying and papers left all over the floor, and I did not want to be there.  But as time went on, it started to grow on me.  I sang songs that I remembered from my Primary days, and learned some new ones, and enjoyed listening to the children sing.  They learned an entire song in sign language, and were just the most darling little things when they were singing that. I started to realize that only a couple of kids actually had a runny nose at any given time.  Most of their noses are quite clean most of the time.  Instead of just seeing crying, I started to notice smiles.  Instead of just seeing misbehaving children, I started to notice well behaved children.  I got to know more and more children's names.  I quit grumbling.  I quit disliking it.  And then, finally, 2 weeks ago, on Saturday night, I said my prayers, and I thanked the Lord for my calling.  As I finished, I sort of chuckled to myself, "Yeah, now that I've learned to like my calling, I guess it must be time to get released," and I went to bed.

The next day, a member of the bishopric asked to see my husband and I, and since I know Zack is sticking to his calling until we move, I knew it was about me.  And it was.  And they informed me that they were releasing me.  How ironic.  

So today I want to say goodbye to the Primary.  I have learned to adore those children.  I love when they come up to me and hug me for no good reason.  I love when they sing and give darling little talks.  I love how they get so caught up in having fun with life that they forget to clean up after themselves.  Children don't worry about stupid stuff they way I do.  They have their priorities straight.  And so, I hereby proclaim that I no longer don't like children.  I'm still never going to work in pediatrics.  I still like old people better.  But the little ones of the Philadelphia 1st ward have sure found a place in my heart.  So even though none of them read this blog, thanks guys, for putting up with me brooding in the back for all those months. Thanks for being so darn cute.  Thanks for changing my attitude about children and about Primary.  I spent years of my life dreading an experience that has turned out to be so incredibly positive and rewarding.  I will miss you guys.