Census

I filled ours out yesterday and we mailed it today. It's official. Dear government, please give my state/city/neighborhood money because I exist. Thanks.

Forgiveness

While I am at work, I get to see lots of tidbits of TV. My residents are watching various shows as I go about my work, and I can't help but see a few seconds here, a few seconds there. Most of it is stuff I would never sit down and watch but oh well. On some talk show the other day (Dr. Phil maybe? or Oprah?) there was a story about a girl who had been raped, identified someone as her rapist, and he went to jail only to be exonerated years and years later by DNA evidence. That's all I really saw. Like I said, I only really catch tidbits, which is fine. I'm not there to watch TV.

But I have been thinking this week a lot about forgiveness. Perhaps it's because of that little tidbit I caught of that show, or maybe I was already thinking about it and that's why that tidbit stood out to me. If someone wrongfully accused me of something and basically took away half my life by sending me to jail for it, could I forgive that person? I don't know. Hopefully I'll never find out. That's an extreme example. But let's face it- we all get into situations where it feels tough to forgive someone.

As a child, I had this friend. She was my best friend really. But we just didn't get along. I don't understand it all and frankly, it happened so long ago that I don't really remember most of it, but I know this much- I had a falling out with that girl and as far as I know, to this day she still thinks ill of me. Am I upset about it? No, not really. It's over. I've long moved on. But I am sure she did things and I did things that messed that friendship up, and that is disappointing to me. I have forgiven her. I hope she has forgiven me.

Not so very long ago, I had this friend. She was one of my best friends really. But we didn't get along. I don't understand it all even though I remember much of it well. I wasn't always the best person in that friendship. I didn't always do everything right. I know that's true. But just weeks before my wedding, for reasons I still don't understand, she decided not to have anything to do with me. She didn't come to my wedding. She didn't really even acknowledge my existence again until quite recently. It hurt. While I know I was imperfect in that friendship and am still imperfect, I couldn't and can't imagine how any scenario we lived through justified her just skipping my wedding and treating me like I had dropped off the planet after we had been such good friends. Am I upset about it? Not so much anymore. There comes a time when you just realize that there's nothing more you can do and you just move on. That happened a long time ago for me. I kept extending the hand of friendship for a while after all that happened, but I realized it was over and that was that. For quite some time, I have been comfortable with the idea that I have just moved on from this. But this week, I kept asking myself if I have forgiven her. And the answer is that I am not really sure. I don't feel angry anymore. I don't really feel hurt anymore. I remember what it felt like at the time, and I feel hurt for myself then, if that makes any sense, but I don't really think I am harboring hurt feelings anymore. But have I forgiven her? I still don't know. One definition I saw for forgiveness is "to cease to feel resentment against". Hmmm. I think I am still going through the process of forgiveness, because although I have definitely moved on with my life, and although I hardly even think about that situation or that friend anymore, when I do, I still feel a twinge of resentment. I still think to myself "what kind of person would actually do that?" And I am ashamed that after all this time, I still haven't forgiven completely.

Ever-so-recently, I had this friend. Mostly we just associated because of our church callings. I thought things were fine. But when we were released, she took me aside and said some very hurtful things to me about our time and service together at church. I cried my eyes out and left church early. For a couple days, I fumed and didn't want to have anything to do with anyone from church. I wasn't blaming God. Heck, I wasn't even blaming anyone else at church. I just needed a few days to let the situation diffuse. Diffuse it did, and I went back to church the next week, and I kept going back, and now I have a new calling, and everything is pretty okay. That woman is in a different ward now, so I don't even have to see her every Sunday. Have I forgiven? Nope. Unfortunately I have not. Again, I know I am partly to blame for the conflict. But I cannot understand why she handled it the way she did and I am still stung each week by her words. I think about what she said before I speak up in my church meetings. I think about what she said and did when I associate with other people at church. I feel a kind of suspicion at times, like lots of people are thinking these terrible things about me and they are just waiting to explode one day in a terrible fury like they did with this woman. Look, I know in my mind that I am being irrational. I can step back and objectively look at the situation and see that. But I can't keep myself objective about it all the time. Emotions creep back in and hurt and anger and resentment still linger there.

I don't write all of this to show that I am an awesome person who has been wronged and you should all give me pity. Oh no no no. I don't write this so you'll all think that each of these people I had these experiences with are awful monsters. Definitely not. I'm just spitting out some thoughts, and putting myself out there as an imperfect person in various stages of forgiveness. I like to think that with time, prayer, and love, I can completely forgive the women in the 2nd and especially the 3rd situation as I have the one in the 1st situation I mentioned. I only wish this were something that I could be better at. I wish I could forgive faster and more fully. I know I have offended others in my life and wish to be forgiven for what I did. I guess if that is my expectation, I should learn to dish out the forgiveness more generously.

Sick

I was sick yesterday. I am not really sure why but my tummy hurt and I just stayed in bed all day. I felt kinda sad about it since it looked like a gorgeous day outside, but I didn't even feel good enough to sit up. Thank goodness it was my day off work.

Anyway, I am feeling a lot better now, and I like the feeling of a new day, starting fresh, getting some things done. So I guess that's the up side of being sick is that it reminds me of how grateful I am for my health.

Free Stuff

You all know by now that I am into bargain hunting. Well, I know some of you aren't. That's okay. But you can still get free stuff now and again. Let me tell you an easy way that doesn't involve getting the newspaper, clipping coupons, perusing bargain blogs, and making elaborate plans prior to shopping.

Say hello to the "Try Me Free" tag.

Sometimes they are actually tags. Other times they are what bargain hunters call "peelies" attached to the bottle or box. I went to a few drug stores today and I think I saw at least 4 or 5 just looking around a little bit. That means you could walk into your local CVS, Walgreens, Rite Aid, or whatever you have, and get something for free without really even trying. I usually see these on hair care products (right now, check out Vitamin Shampoo, Renpure Organics shampoo, Bioluxe conditioner only at CVS, Organix, Naked Naturals). I find them elsewhere occasionally too though. Right now, Physician's Formula has them out there on their bamboo compacts, makeup removers, and a certain kind of mascara.

A few notes about Try Me Free tags:

-They are pretty much always mail in rebates. That means you're going to have to pay the cost of the product out of pocket, follow the instructions on the peelie (usually not complicated at all), and wait a couple of weeks to get your money back. You will also have to pay the tax and the price of the stamp. I don't know about you, but I think all that is well worth it to try a new product that I would probably never buy otherwise because of the cost. You will most likely need the original cash register receipt to get the refund. Translation: do not buy more than 1 "try me free" product in 1 transaction because they don't take photocopies of receipts. Or, ask the checker if you can get more than 1 copy of the receipt before you check out.

-Always, always, always read the tag before you buy the product. Even if that means opening up the peelie (you don't have to take it off the bottle to open it even). Sometimes they are already expired (I found one today that was). You don't want to buy the bottle and then find out later that you're not getting it free after all.

-It's generally considered good etiquette not to take the tags or peelies off bottles unless you buy them, but I do sometimes anyway. Why? At drugstores, the "try me free" products often go on buy one get one free (BOGO) sales. So I take the tag, wait for the BOGO sale, and then get 2 for the price of 1 (and then I get my money back for the 1 that I paid for). That way you can get the shampoo and conditioner for free. I take the tag when I see it because other jerks like me take the tags too, and there might not be any left by the time a BOGO sale comes around. Or the BOGO sale might be at another store.

So, there you have it. It's free. It's easy. And it's a great way to try out new products and little cost to you. Enjoy.

Houdini Mouse

We have had this mouse. At first, he would just hang out in the kitchen. At least that's all we knew he was doing. He would leave little mouse droppings on the counter. It was a nuisance to wipe down the counter with disinfectant every day, and we kept wondering what he was coming back for since we are pretty tidy and don't really leave food out. We set out some traps. We tried the classic snap ones and also the sticky ones. No luck. Oh well.

Then, the other night, when we came home from being out somewhere, we found him in our living room, and when he fled into our new couch and hung out there for a while, I decided that was enough. No mouse could chill inside my furniture in my living room and get away with it. So we went to the hardware store and got poison, some fancy traps, and some paper traps. We set them out. A few days went by. Still no luck. Still evidence that he was coming into our apartment and not getting caught.

The real last straw came when, a couple days ago, I found some mouse droppings on the nightstand right beside our bed. What he was doing there, I will never know, and I don't want to, but I had enough. No mouse would invade my bedroom, possible scurrying across my pretty new bedding, without getting some real kickback about it. So last night, Zack stepped up our traps by cutting the sticky paper into strips and putting it on ledges and such where the mouse often goes.

And this morning, when I got up, he was caught!

It's kinda sad. He was still alive and we had to just take him out to the trash. He was stuck on that trap by 1 little leg and I kept thinking he might break free, and I know I woulda been angry if that'd happened, but I was also sad to have to kill him to get rid of him. He was just too smart for any other kind if trap.

Yay! We're free!

Student Loans

Nursing school was expensive. This 11 month program here at Drexel cost more than 5 times more than the similar 16 month program at the University of Utah was going to cost me. That shocked me at the time (and still does), but we felt that this school really was the best decision for us and for me since it would get me out into the workforce so much faster than many other places (and with a second bachelor's degree) so I went ahead and did it anyway.

I'll be honest-- it sucked. It was probably the most insane thing I have done it my life. Those were 11 months of being so busy that I just didn't know if I could do it for one more day. 11 months of intense stress. 11 months of grouchiness and marital strain. And at the end of those 11 months, I stepped out into a recession saddled with a hefty student loan debt. I learned the hard way that nursing, especially for new nurses, is actually not "recession proof" at all. And I landed a job in a nursing home, which is nice, but I don't use a lot of the skills that I should be keeping sharp.

Regrets? Nope. It all turned out okay. Those 11 months sucked and they were incredibly expensive, but now I am 24 years old, I have 2 bachelors degrees, and I have a job, which is more than many people can say in this economy. It's maybe not the ideal job for keeping my skills sharp, but it's a good place to start my nursing career, and I still have lots of opportunities waiting for me in the future. And some great things about it all: I get paid more than most of the nurses who started out in hospitals here, and my work offered me a signing bonus, 3 months of paid training, and they reimburse my student loan payments.

It has been complicated working out the loan reimbursement thing, and I keep learning things the hard way, but hopefully when I come out the other end on this job, we will have made a very large dent in those debts. Combine the reimbursement from my work with frugal living on our part and paying a lot more than the minimum payment each month, and this loan may just disappear before we know it. In the mean time, it still stinks to be in debt. But we know we are blessed.

Day off

Clean laundry. Clean bathroom. Stocked cupboards. *sigh of relief*