Mommy Wars

I have been thinking a lot lately about the so-called Mommy Wars. As a mom, I find it hard not to think about. There is so much debate about what it best for children, and how we as moms can best provide that. I read this blog post recently (don't remember where it was) where the mom said that she was judging other moms, and she even suggested that if a toddler is throwing a temper tantrum somewhere public, that child's mom should automatically leave, taking the child with her. For example, a mom grocery shopping with a toddler. If the toddler starts pitching a fit, the mom leaves the store completely, abandoning her grocery shopping trip to avoid inconveniencing other shoppers by subjecting them to their child's tantrum. What?

If there's one thing I have learned since being a parent, it's that I have absolutely no right to judge other people's parenting. As far as I'm concerned, unless someone is abusing their child, they are pretty much free to do the parenting thing however they want. Every child is different. Each family's circumstances are different. Each family's values are different. When we spend time poking holes in other people's parenting, we aren't doing anyone any favors. It seems to me like we are all in this battle together in one way or another, and if we spent more time helping others out instead of judging, we'd all be better off.

This has led me to think a lot about my own parenting style. I have realized more and more lately that I don't really have any idea what my style is. My kid is only 15 months old. Maybe it will become more clearly defined over time. Maybe it will be different with each of my children (assuming I am ever brave enough to do the pregnancy-torture thing again). Maybe not. I was kind of surprised the other day when my sister mentioned that she thinks her parenting style is more similar to that of my brother (who, by the way, does not have any kids. Ha ha) than to mine. My first thought was "how does she even know what my parenting style is?" I realized that what she really meant is that their personalities, their priorities, and their values are more similar. They have made different geographical, financial, and political decisions than we have. Maybe all those work together to make up parenting style. Perhaps it is primarily determined by our past choices and experiences, mixed with our current personalities and situations. I do not know.

What I do know is that I had ideas about what parenting would be like before I was a parent, and many of those have flown right out the window when faced with the realities of parenthood. So how can I look at another parent and say that what they are doing is not the correct way to parent when I have no idea what their realities are? I guess all I am trying to say is that if you have chosen to be a parent, just keep plugging away the best you can. I am right there with you. When you feel like all the eyes around you are judging you, look for my eyes. I may not completely understand or agree with everything you are doing, but I think you're doing a great job anyway. Let's just share a moment of support for each other before we dive back into the complete mess that we have gotten ourselves into.